The Importance of Connection

by Aundray Rogers, US Army 2000-2008

_______

First of all, there is isolation in civilians too. It is not just veterans. I don’t care who you are - a successful businessman, a public servant, a new mom, or an athlete - loneliness is everywhere. I’d call it an epidemic. Everyone needs to remember that. It’s not just vets.

Veterans do have a unique brand of it, though. It stings us more. Coming from the military where everyone is really connected, really tight, really focused, really depending on each other - by comparison, the civilian world can seem just crazy. Too loose. No foundation. Everyone doing their own thing without each other, like nobody cares about anyone - and like they especially don’t care about you. Alot of vets think “it’s just me who feels this way.” It’s actually most of us. At first.

It took me a while to settle. No doubt, that process was painful. There are lots of scars from it.

At the end of the day, it was all about getting out of my own head, forcing myself to find other people and things to do.

School really helped, just being around other vets, even if I was just sitting around and talking. Having places to be, things to do, just anything to keep me from freezing myself out.

Sitting around and playing video games or smoking weed all day or scrolling social media - that will just kill you. You can’t make that your life. You end up having nothing to talk about to anyone. Too much of that makes you dull and numb.

As someone who is pretty well known in my community for being the outreach guy, my advice to veterans looking to help other vets is to be proactive. Call your guys, find an excuse. You don’t have to do anything deep. Just find a reason to call. If you’re worried about someone, you don’t have to fix all their problems. You don’t have to be everyone’s social worker. You can just be friendly, take a chance, check on them. Because odds are you needed it once.

And for vets who have not yet found their people - just don’t give up. It will happen, for sure. Just show up to things. If you need to get medical help for depression or PTSD or anxiety, or whatever, just try it out. No shame in it, at all. It makes the other things more manageable.

People do care, you just have to find them. It’s a relief when you do.

In the meantime, do a service event or take time to try things out. You'd be surprised what you can achieve mentally, emotionally, and physically. Please take it one day at a time.

New VA Program Helps Veterans Build Friendships and Fight Loneliness

Social isolation experienced by our Veterans, Bob McDonald Former VA Secretary

Combating Social Isolation and Loneliness Among Veterans after Separation from Military Service

Exploring the trajectory and correlates of social isolation for veterans across a 6-month period during COVID-19